MIA

1 Oct

Yikes. So I just dropped off the face of the planet. However, after you read my obligatory catch up post, I think you’ll completely understand my lack of posts.

Starting with our fertility stuff, not much has really happened. We tried IUI three times and they didn’t work. Our specialist told us that we could either continue trying IUI or move on to IVF. At that point, we decided to take a break. I was struggling with depression and my body was completely worn out. I just couldn’t continue on the way we were going. My reproductive organs were running my entire life and it was exhausting. Since then, we’ve continued to try but it hasn’t been the main feature of our lives. I wish I could say we are doing lots of amazing, fun things instead but that’s not entirely true.

Since January, Josh has been taking an extremely difficult online course that is almost impossible to pass. It will be a huge step for his career if he does pass so I’m glad he’s taking it. However, it means I’m alone a lot. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my alone time. I’m an introvert to the core and alone time is a necessity for me. But I’ve been getting lonely. Plus, since he’s so busy, a lot of the housework, meals and taking care of the dogs falls on my lap. Normally, this would be no problem but as you will see in the next couple of paragraphs, I’ve been having some health issues. He took his test (24 hours of nonstop testing at his computer) and we think he passed. He had to get 70 points to pass and he got 100. We aren’t celebrating until he gets the official word though. When we do, it’s going to be a BIG deal for him. I’m proud of him, but it’s still been a challenge.

On top of that, I’ve had some major health issues lately. It started shortly after we finished our last IUI. I started to feel really awful (tired, nauseous, achy, etc) and all the glands on the right side of my neck swelled up bigger than I thought was even possible. I saw three different doctors, had dozens of blood tests, had a fine needle biopsy (horrible), more blood work, ultrasounds, and finally an excisional biopsy where they removed one of my lymph nodes for testing. It was supposed to be a simple procedure where I would only miss one day of work. Um, no. It was horrible. I can’t remember the last time I felt that much pain. I was taking a double dose of pain meds and it didn’t’ even put a dent in the pain. I had the surgery on Monday and didn’t go back to work until Friday and even that was rough. One of the things the doctors were worried about was tuberculosis  The reason they were worried about that? Well, I tested positive for it. You know the skin test they do for TB? I had one and my skin swelled up enough to worry the doctors which is why they pushed for the second biopsy. Fortunately  all my test results have come back normal so far and I won’t need treatment. I am not officially diagnosed with TB. That means I’m not contagious and it was most likely a false positive. It was still a lot to go through for everything to come back normal.

The biopsy was only two weeks ago yet today I found myself back at the doctor for a completely unrelated issue. For the past month I’ve been having horrible lower abdominal pain. I haven’t been able to see my gynecologist though because I’ve had to deal with the biopsy first. I finally made it in today and pending an ultrasound next week, my doctor is pretty sure my endometriosis is back. This means that I will be going through my third surgery in only 2 years. Even worse, I have no clue how long it will take to schedule my surgery and in the meantime, I am in so much pain I can barely stand it. Before I was diagnosed with endometriosis, I never really had the typical symptoms so I wasn’t prepared for this level of pain. It’s completely awful.

Outside of health issues, I’ve had some family stuff that I won’t talk about here but let’s just say it’s been incredibly stressful.  Seeing family members hurt and going through pain yourself is just hard. Really hard.

To make matters worse, my best friend moved to Seattle for 6 months. She should be back at the beginning of next year and we’ve been keeping in touch by phone, but it’s still hard. I miss her so incredibly much. She is the most amazing person ever and being around her for just a minute makes me feel so much more positive. I’m fortunate to even have a friend like her. Another one of my friends made it completely clear that I meant nothing to her. With everything else going on, I think it hurt worse than it should have. I kept telling myself that someone who doesn’t care about you isn’t worth getting upset over. Easier said than done, I guess. It just would have been nice to have someone else to talk to right now.

Ending on a good note, we went to Ireland a few weeks ago and I can’t wait to share our pictures! We had a wonderful time even through the health issues and I’m so glad we went. Stay tuned for those recaps!

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4 Responses to “MIA”

  1. Aly (@breathegently) October 1, 2012 at 11:59 pm #

    I loved seeing your Ireland pictures – at least you’ve had that to enjoy together. *big hugs*

  2. lastgirlstanding October 2, 2012 at 5:21 am #

    Oh hon, I’m so sorry. I don’t know why good (nay, great) people have to go through such horrible things sometimes. I don’t pretend to understand it and I definitely don’t pretend to like it. All I know is you deserve so much more than what you’re going through. Physically, emotionally and friend-wise (anyone who doesn’t think you’re fabulous is clearly missing out, I hope Seattle girl finds her way back soon!). I can’t wait to see your Ireland pics (what was your favorite place? Did you go to the south east coast at all? I’ve been toying with the idea of going) and I hope you know that even when you (or I) are MIA I thi k of you often and send good vibes and warm fuzzies your way. Xox!

  3. Carly October 5, 2012 at 5:17 pm #

    Wow, sweetie. You have been going through SO much in such a short period of time. Big, huge hugs. First off, I am relieved to hear that all your tests came back normal! I really wish you didn’t have to go through all of those painful tests – but hearing you are healthy just makes me happy. Thank goodness!

    I am so sorry to hear about the endo symptoms. I had some similar pain-related experiences before we did IVF. I developed new endo cysts and they were leaking and causing the worst pain of my life. I wasn’t prepared for it, and up until that point, my endo hadn’t caused any “major” pain like some other endo sisters have had to endure. The constant pain really affects your quality of life. It’s terrible. I am on birth control now, which obviously isn’t a long term solution to anything, but I have no other choice at this point. I feel for you.

    In terms of friends, I had a lightbulb moment a couple of years back that one of my closest friends in the world didn’t really care about me like I thought she did. It was so hard, and I continue to rehash what went wrong even today. (I know I shouldn’t, but I do.) It hurts. Hoping you can get through the upcoming months until your BFF comes back! Good friends are so, so important.

    Anyway, this comment is a novel, and I’m signing off now. By the way, thank you so much for your email re: therapy!! Your advice is spot on, and I deeply appreciate it.

    Lots of love to you, friend. xoxo

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. New Year, New Start « Shutterbug Wife - January 10, 2013

    […] goodness for new beginnings! Instead of focusing on all the difficulties (you can catch up a bit here if you missed anything), I am just ready to move on. Most of the health issues are behind me, thank […]

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