Alive

3 Dec

Reverb Day 3: December 3 – Moment.

Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

(Author: Ali Edwards)

About 7 or 8 months ago, I sat in the bathroom with the test in my hand. I was shaking so hard that I decided I needed to set the test down on the counter so I didn’t mess something up. My heart was pounding so hard that I was pretty sure it would jump right out of my chest. I knew my husband was anxiously waiting outside the door for the results. I had been ready for a baby for a while but this was the first month we had actively tried.

As I sat there waiting, a million thoughts ran through my head. I placed my hand on my stomach and prayed that there was a little baby growing inside. My mind danced with images of cribs, baby clothes and little fingers. When I glanced back at the test, the words NOT PREGNANT glared back at me and my heart sank. My eyes welled up with tears and dejected, I opened the door to shake my head at my husband. Josh was disappointed but I barely noticed it before his optimism came out. He told me this just wasn’t our baby and we would get it next time.

We still don’t have our baby but we are in this together and we will get there when the time is right. I have taken a couple more tests since that first one and each one makes me feel more alive. I can’t even imagine what I will feel when I finally see that little plus sign.

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